Another fun week around here

So, we caught up from illneses and made it though Halloween.
The kids had a good time. They did a little bit of trick or treating on Saturday. It turned cold, just in time for the day.
However, the past week has been unfun. We have a little PMSing 7 year old kid in the house. Bri has had such an attitude this week. I told James if it does not get better, we need to get the doc involved. There is a history of early periods in James's family. And I have STRESSED to the ped in the past that I do not want Bri being a second/third grader carrying pads in her backpack.
But the behavior of this past week is concerning me. A LOT. She's constantly snapping at Jimmy when he wants to play, yelling at us when we ask her to do something. Its so annoying when you think you have a few years, but puberty is staring you in the face.
Also, not feeling well doesn't help. I can only describe the dizzyness as whiplash like. I feel great, it hits me, and then goes away. Add nausea and its been fun. I'm actually afraid to call this doc and tell him. I don't think he could have stressed that he only wants calls during office hours ONLY and with his attitude, I'm sure he'll think this is normal and probably up my dose with NO blood work.
If you need me, I'll be asleep from the pain killers.

Should tattoo on my forehead I'm a total sucker for my kids

After a week that involved bronchitis (for Bri), pneumonia (for James) and sinus issues, a migraine and a med change (for me) it was time to get back to some sort of normal around here. And no, we're not there yet.
Sunday, Bri had to go to mass to turn in her intent card for First Reconciliation and First Communion, that she wanted to proceed with her sacraments and James will be helping her. Did I mention we have homework due every two weeks until the end of January when she makes her First Confession and another retreat for Communion that hopefully she won't be sick for. Yeah and I get to join in this fun.
James took her to mass that day. So, in a effort to distract Jimmy, I suggested we go look for his costume. He wants to be Wall-E this year. However we have one teeny problem, I cannot find the costume. Before our adventures on Sunday, I had been to Disney, one Halloween store and a few big box retailers previously with no luck.
Jimmy and I headed off to the first Halloween store. You know the ones that take over a vacant store for a few weeks and only sell over priced costumes from last year. Yeah, those stores. The three we went to did not have anything resembling a Wall-E costume. So we gave up and came home.
Then I went online and found the costume! It would be $10 for shipping to get it here on time but hey, it would make him happy and all would be good. Or so I thought, until I hit add to cart and was informed, like ALL other on line retailers, that it was NOT AVAILABLE but they will send me an e-mail when it was. Yeah, not gonna work.
So, after James and Bri got back from church, we went to the store and got them costumes. Jimmy is now going to be Thomas and Bri is being some kimono cutie as it was a decent length and not slutty for a 7 yr old. And they were 30% off! Gotta love Christmas Creep.

no I don't play a doctor on TV, thanks for asking.

Once again, something I said has been thrown in my face. There is no such thing as talking. Its more attack me and then backpetal anything was done wrong. I'm tired of it. Without being able to talk about them without my words being twisted, not sure if this blog will go on.

Neuro visit, I don't want to talk about anymore. I hate when a doctor asks me why another doctor did or prescribed something. I didn't go to med school, ask her yourself. All I want is a pain free day, which I guess is not going to happen.

I'm burnt out, hurt and sick. I give up. So I leave you with these lyrics:
Terrible Lie by Nine Inch Nails.

hey God
why are you doing this to me?
am i not living up to what i'm supposed to be?
why am i seething with this animosity?
hey God
i think you owe me a great big apology.

terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie

hey God
i really don't know what you mean.
seems like salvation come only in our dreams.
i feel my hatred grow all the more extreme.
hey God
can this world really be as sad as it seems?

terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie

don't take it away from me.
i need someone to hold on to.
don't take it away from me.
i need someone to hold on to.

hey God
there's nothing left for me to hide.
i lost my ignorance, security and pride.
i'm all alone in a world you must despise.
hey God
i believed your promises, your promises and lies.

terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie

you made me throw it all away.
my morals left to decay.
how many you betray.
you've taken everything.

terrible lie.
my head is filled with disease.
my skin is begging you please.
i'm on my hands and knees.
i want so much to believe.

Monday? That's all?

Yeah, another wonderful week is beginning here. I'm not handling it well. Listening to people cough and hack all day at work, and then come home to two sick kids (one getting over strep, one has the flu, you can figure out who is who).
So, I found a new neuro for my second opinion. My original neuro will not see me again until we get another opinion on the headaches. I've never been told by a doc, I have no clue how to treat you so I can't anymore. And I'm running out of Paxil so I figured I needed to do something here. I go on Friday and its close to work and he's a migraine specialist. I haven't had a fully pain free day since Christmas. I can get a few pain free hours if I'm lucky. Today, I didn't have even pain free minutes.
Which that still is a point that makes me mad. I am in constant aggrivating pain all day and almost every one around me acts like a twit. Oh, well, so and so has a cold and we should have more sympathy for her than anyone else when they should really be in bed. I get sick and people complain about the work. Funny, I take care of their stuff with no complaints when they are out (and sometimes when they are there and overworked) but I take a day off and the you know what hits the fan. So, even thought I'm miserable, I have to force myself in so I won't hear about it. Teamwork is a big fat lie when the shoe is on the other foot.
I come home to huge behavior issues since Jimmy is still getting well and his behavior is rather crappy. I wanted to lay down this afternoon due to having a migraine. He decided to have a running conversation with me. Then tonight, he fought with me for 45 minutes about putting on his pajamas. 45 MINUTES! First, he wanted orange pajamas, which he does not have. I told him I found 6 pairs and please pick one. He picked Mickey Mouse ones. Then he told me he was going to put his clothes in the hamper. I came out to find him sitting on the stairs telling me he was not going to put them on. I finally gave up and let his dad handle it. Even after James and Bri got home from Urgent care, he refused and screamed, so Jimmy ended up in his room. After over an hour since the first request, he put his pajamas on.
Ah, I hope the rest of the week goes much faster.

Well at least its not H1N1

Its never a good sign when you're out and your hubby texts you, are you still at the store?

Tuesday night, James texted me and then called when I was leaving WalMart.
I asked him what was up, and he replied do we have any carpet cleaner?
Jimmy had thrown up on the couch and wasn't feeling good. I got the carpet cleaner and went home. Jimmy was sleeping sort of. He was running a temp but refused to take more meds since he had taken Tylenol before he threw up. So, we went to bed and figured we'd review it in the morning.
About 5 am, I figured I gave up and called in to work to stay home with Jimmy. He had decided to sleep right next to my back, sweating, all night (My chest really hurts right now for reasons I cannot go into in this blog so I don't want ANYONE touching it. Althought I am getting better and no, its not implants.) James' work is not allowing them to take any time off until November so it fell on me as his mom.
I spent Wednesday with Jimmy acting like a blob. I know Jimmy is sick when he is not running around and having a running commentary on SpongeBob. I took a shower and got out to find him laying on the couch. He was just laying there. He laid on my bed almost all day and did not do anything, would not eat or drink either.
So James took him to urgent care when he got home since the ped is not in on Wens and she has no normal backup. I got a text while James and Jimmy were at the clinic that he did not have H1N1, he has strep. Oh goody. He came home and laid in a blob on the bed again while James ran to get his meds.
Today, my dad came over and watched him. Jimmy did not want to watch TV or eat or do anything . He fell asleep at 12:30 and slept for three hours. Then he got up and wanted to watch the Mr Men show. Then he demanded a steak taco and ate it. Then a waffle, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and some limeaide.
Yeah, I think he's going back to school tomorrow.

Santa* may lose her mind before the holidays

I try to make Christmas a big deal for my kids. I try to get them at least a couple of the things on their lists each year.
This year, we have told the kids that Christmas may not be as big as years past due to many things happening. James and I have been discussing the lists the kids have given us and what we're going to get them. Yes they have their lists ready. Eema and Uncle J have started shopping for the kids. This is later than most years when everyone starts in August.
One of the things we had decided they could have from the lists was Zhu Zhu Pets. Have no clue what one is? Tomorrow afternoon, turn on Nick and wait for the ad. If you have kids, get yourself a pair of earplugs. You will THANK me for it. You may turn off the tv and make yourself a stiff drink afterwards.
So, I started researching them online and was SHOCKED how much they were going for on Ebay. Not happening, I'll wait for them to hit stores.
Well, they have come to stores, but there seems to be a couple problems.
The first is that they only seem to be at WalMart. Ugh.
Second is, I can find ever single accessory for the little electronic buggers, but not the hamsters. I can have all the surfboards, hamster balls and carriers my little brain can handle, but no battery munching hamsters. And they have signs posted all over that LIMIT 2! NO RAINCHECKS! NO DEALERS!
So, where the heck are they? If there are limits, why are there none of the battery operated hamsters to find?
This is one thing that both kids have on their lists. And I'm not objecting. Zhu Zhu pets don't escape, don't go into the furnace for fun, don't chew through the filter and don't keep Bri up all night chewing on her cage. Ok, not without some help. But right now, this is the Holy Grail of toys this year. I am NOT paying $60 for one hamster on Amazon. Then that would be the only gift they get.
So, I may lose my mind before the holidays. Stay tuned.

And how should a mom act?

(update - no Hammie. We're not sure where she is but we haven't found her yet)

So, I didn't write about this at the time it happened, but she still bothers me. I work with a woman we'll call Anna*. Anna is a few years older than me and has twins. Anna, I and a few other co-workers were discussing class reunions. Her grade school had a reunion at a bar a few weeks prior to this discussion. She kept going on how much of a blast it was, how fun it was, how drunk she got that night, and on and on. I said my high school class was having their 15th reunion at a bar again (so was the 10th and 5th) and I wasn't going, and Anna goes; oh quit acting like a mom and go, you'll have fun. Then she kept going on that I had a husband to watch the kids, I should get dressed up once in a while and quit acting like a mom.

That statement was WRONG on so many levels. First off, I don't enjoy trying to have a conversation in a bar. Hearing a band, yes. Talking about the past 10 years, no. I like to drink and have a good time but I personally want talk to people and see what they have been up to, not deal with drunken obnoxious people. Not my thing. All you can drink is not a good deal for most people I went to school with. They take FULL advantage of it. Plus, Jeff isn't talking to me and my other friend Sharon doesn't drink anymore, so who exactly would I go with? Paying $30 to stand around at a dive bar is not my idea of a good Saturday night.

Then, the other day, after the regularly scheduled fire drill, Anna was talking to another co-worker in the elevator back upstairs that she wants to get her nose pierced because she's reclaiming herself after being a mom for so long. She's not having more kids and she wants her old self back. I sat there and rolled my eyes so hard I think everyone on the elevator probably heard me. I have a alter ego so to say. But I don't advertise it to anyone and everyone who will listen. I like to have fun and be myself. But at work, that is not me. I get my work done and go home at the end of the day. I don't talk about most things I do outside of work. Yes I talk about my kids and what we do on the weekends, but why bring up the other things? If I talked about the things I really like, I think I'd scare people off. And I'm not talking about scrapbooking and martinis. I don't have contests with my friends who can go out the most in a week. I'm not trying to reclaim myself because I did not totally lose myself. I just had to wait. She never went away.
So, I will hide in my jeans and t-shirts. I don't mind keeping my true self hidden. Sometimes.